I admit it, I joined Facebook in 2005 or so while I was working at Louisiana Tech. At the time, it was still relatively new and you had to have a college email address to secure an account. For the most part, it was a tool for me to keep in touch with student recruiters and members of our staff. Along the way, it started getting bigger and more complex and I started getting in touch with old classmates and fraternity brothers and such. And then all hell broke loose. Facebook exploded. All of the sudden, I'm getting friend requests from random people I might have said hey to passing them on the street. Regardless of the fact that I don't know them, they wanted to be friends with me. After all, everyone knows that the more Facebook friends you have, the higher your social status. That sounds benign enough until some of these people that I didn't know started getting pregnant. Why do some girls find it completely appropriate to describe bodily fluids and functions on a WALL that everyone can see, even people they only know on a very cursory level?
Then you get the people starving for attention and update their "status" accordingly: Skippy CANNOT BELIEVE WHAT JUST HAPPENED!!!! Oh heavens Skippy. Whatever could have happened to you? I probably better respond so that you will tell me and we can have a wall-to-wall conversation. Those people make me mad.
I know I need to get back on point here and I shouldn't point out every single Facebook cliche there is. There are plenty of email forwards for that. Let me just mention one more and thats the whole parent invasion of Facebook. God Bless my father for staying the hell away from this thing because he sees it for what it is: horse shit. My mother on the other hand is all over it. And I appreciate it because even when nobody else does, she thinks I'm witty. And she makes comments about that. Incessantly. If she moves to Farmville though, I just might have to cut ties.
So again, I've made the comment a couple of times around the office that I watch Glee. After one episode in particular, I had a Facebook chat with one of our counselors whom we'll call Frant in which I extolled the virtues of such a wonderful show. I don't think anything at all about this innocuous, two-lined conversation until I get an email informing me that I'd been tagged in a photo by someone that we'll refer to as Chrisgina. Seems that Frant took a screenshot of said conversation (I seriously had no idea that this was even remotely possible yet if I bring this up in the office, I'm told how old and bald I am and to shut my mouth) and posted it on yet another counselor's wall whom we'll name Kevan. Chrisgina saw it and tagged my name because, apparently it's a moral imperative that my forced enjoyment of musical tv should be shared by everyone on my "friends" list. Touche' Chrisgina, touche' indeed.
By the time I get to a computer and make my little discovery, I have no less than 85 comments about my sweet pic. Seventy of those are from my sister who's taking dictation from my dad (seriously, he refuses to touch the book). He just wanted me to know that Kimberly doesn't watch Glee and look at what a stellar athlete/student/career woman she turned out to be. I watch musical television and I live with a pomeranian and three legged cat. Unfortunately, I really didn't have a leg to stand on (no offense to the cat) and I couldn't argue with them. Then she called me a bitch. I asked her if dad told her to say that and she said nope, that was from her. Touche' to her as well.
I immediately removed the tag from the picture so I wouldn't be showing up on anyone else's updates. No more torture for me. Unfortunately, the same cannot be said for Frant, Chrisgina, and Kevan. I truly am looking forward to the days when they are back in the office. You see, I've had weeks to sit and stew and come up with creative ways to get my revenge. Should I be aggressive or passive aggressive? Why not both? This is going to be so much fun.
The time is getting close. I might have to delete the old Facebook account. Much like ICQ and AIM before it, it's run its course. I'm outgrowing it. Actually I outgrew it before I ever signed up but its time to let it go. And I have Glee to thank.
FU FB
