Futility and Humility

I was SO PUMPED this weekend. Kristen was all like, yes sir you can watch football. I like to think it's because I was so excited since there were so many great games on. In reality I paid my dues by watching 17 episodes of Say Yes To The Dress with nine episodes coming from Kleinfeld's in New York and eight coming from the Atlanta store that employs the greatest fashion director EVER...Monte. Whatevs.

Anyway, I wanted to watch the Georgia-USC game at noon. Fellas I live in South Carolina now where USC means the University of South Carolina. Everywhere else in the world it means Southern Cal. However I'm not really into the whole brevity thing so I figured I'd indulge you and explain. Anywho, I had a dillema because I also had an appointment to take my car into the Honda place at noon. Whatever would I do? Never fear dudes because Honda has a big screen and it turns out that the overweight salesmen in short sleeves and ties AND customer service reps were really excited about the game also. They made sure the game was on instead of taking care of my car. In fact it took an hour and a half for them to tell me there was absolutely nothing wrong with my car. But I didn't care because I was being manly and watching football. Could this day get any better? ABSOLUTELY. They also had free hamburgers and hot dogs and unlimited fountain drinks.

Cut to two weeks later because I got lazy and stopped writing. Check it out though yo, I'm still excited about this weekend because there's so much football. I don't have to take my car into any lame ass car dealership though. I'm probably going to sit on the couch and watch the games with my new pomeranian puppy named Jeffrey. Kristen pretty much HAS to let me. Why? Duhh because I'm a full blown Gleek. Hell yes I watched that show. Not cuz I wanted to though. Again I was paying my dues. Unfortunately for me though, that show has an unwanted side-effect. Oh Lady Gaga, why do you haunt my inner monologues so? I've been singing Telephone to myself for three days. (Check this segue) But that's okay Lady G because this weekend I'm going to watch Boise State phone it in and unexpectedly get crushed by Oregon State. Talk about a Bad Romance. Word.

I'm probably going to be allowed watch another game or two because I ALSO took Kristen to see Jason Mraz last night. Don't ask, it went exactly as you would probably expect it to. The dude stood on stage and would make his band play while he ate cantaloupe and then talk about why he loves cantaloupe and how we shouldn't drink from plastic water bottles but should actually carry our own metal canteens of water like he does. Jason Mraz, you can take your wienered out fedora and punch yourself in your melon eating face. But you're a pretty sweet guitar player...and you can dance.

Question: What is sadder, the fact that my wife just spent $30 on Glee soundtrack music or the fact that I just put it on my ipod?

Hangin with Ursher and Luda

Kristen had her national AVMA conference in Atlanta a few weeks ago. We decided to turn it into a little mini vacation since we won't have the opportunity for a real trip this year. I was excited for three reasons (in addition to the fact that I got to spend three uninterrupted days with my wife): 1) I was born in Atlanta and haven't been back there since 1980. I don't know why that's exciting. 2) We got to see a Braves game which I've never gotten to do before. 3) I got to tell people that I was headed to the A-T-L. I'm a big fan of initials, acronyms, and shortcuts....almost as big a fan as using my area code for where I am. For example, I don't live in Charleston, South Carolina. I stay in the 843....but I come from the 318. But I digress. I digress a lot.

Kristen flew down on Friday morning and I'd drive down on Saturday. We both had Monday off so it would be a nice three-day weekend. Saturday night, the AVMA paid the band Train to be the evening's entertainment. They're popular because they have that omnipresent song "Hey Soul Sister." I didn't know they sang that. I thought it was some chick. Imagine my surprise when they busted that little ditty out. I'm all like hey its that effing song that I hate because it's on every third commercial that comes on TV. The concert actually wasn't bad. The lead singer has some serious pipes and probably could have sang in an 80's hair band. He also took his shirt off which made my wife really happy for some reason. I don't know why because I'm firing heavy artillery rounds every time I take mine off. YESSSSSS. The guitar player is also the spitting image of Howie Mandel which is weird for me. Seriously look him up.

Sunday we were really excited because we were going to Six Flags. I grew up going to Six Flags over Texas but I haven't been since I was a senior in high school. We couldn't wait to get on these roller coasters. Until some gimpy wooden thing called the Georgia Cyclone. That bitch took us to OZ man. That thing shook us so incredibly hard and we just wanted it to end. To make matters worse there were two little ten year olds riding in front of us that kept screaming like girls and laughing. Kristen wanted to skull drag them down the exit ramp but I told her not to because that's rude.

We needed a break so we rode the cable cars. While riding across the park, we spotted the Ninja and I forgot all about Oz. Why? Because ninja's are awesome and it had like six loops. I became the ten year old that was screaming like a girl and laughing. What I didn't count on was the seat in front of me being broken. On every turn, the back of the seat would pound into my knee making me say the f word like 45 times. That might seem like an inordinate amount of f words but that's just how many crazy turns and loops were on this ride. That's because it's a ninja. And ninja's are awesome.

We also rode Superman which kind of supersucked. I mean hey, I guess it's a novel idea to make a roller coaster that you ride on your stomach because it makes you feel like you're flying like Superman. Except you don't feel like that. You spend the ride sucking in your stomach because it keeps falling towards the ground while your head and your legs are strapped in and can't move. Then you twist and turn and get sick as hell but you can't throw up because you're wife is riding next to you and called you a puss seven different times throughout the course of the ride because you accidentally screamed like a girl and then farted on the first drop.

I say all this to illustrate that something happens to a man in the 10+ years between high school and his thirties. Rollercoasters become an exercise in demasculinization. Amusement parks cease being fun and you realize why your parents always looked so pissed off when they were walking you around as a kid. They can't ride the rides anymore, admission is $50, and ICEE's are $10. Crazy stuff.

We went to a Braves game Monday night and had a good time. We ate hot dogs and I had Dippin Dots for the first time which was odd/cool. The Mets aren't any good so the Braves won. We went back to the hotel and packed for the drive back to the 843 the next day. Overall it was a nice little get away but I think we're ready for a beach trip again. We're thinking Bermuda with some friends. B-E-R? I don't know, it doesn't really roll off the tongue. We'll figure something out though.