Hanging in the Goondocks

I freely admit that getting older is really starting to hit me. Not from a mortality stand point or anything like that, yet, but more from a realization that some of my memories happened a very long time ago. I'm getting to the point that I accept this as a fact of life but it's still strange. We have Sirius-XM in our cars and sometimes I listen to Lithium which is 90's and early 00's alternative. Most of what they play is the soundtrack to my high school and college years. Listening to these songs on the radio again brings forth a severe sense of nostalgia in me and sometimes I love it while sometimes it gets kind of scary.

When I hear Green Day's Basket Case or Longview, Dave Matthews Band's Satellite or Ants Marching, Our Lady Peace's Starseed, or even freaking Lisa Loeb's Stay, I go straight back to 1994-95 driving to Showboat practice at Captain Shreve High School because those were the tapes and cd's that I played incessantly back then. This isn't just a fond memory, I literally feel the spring air blowing through the windows of my little five speed Honda Civic driving down East Kings Highway. Really weird sensation but cool none-the-less. I've found myself actively seeking out a lot of that music that sort of faded into obscurity, or were one-hit-wonders. I miss bands like Trippin' Daisy and the Toadies; Caroline Spine and Sponge; Seven Mary Three and Candlebox; Gin Blossoms and Toad The Wet Sprocket; the Wallflowers and Sublime; Silverchair and Smashing Pumpkins; etc. A lot of these bands are still around in one incarnation or another but man when you see them they look OLD. That's when it hits me a little bit because when I liked them, they were a lot younger than me. I'm not too far away from that whole middle age thing and its trippy. I really don't know if any of this is even making sense, this is sort of a mental vomit session.

The impetus behind this little diddy springs straight out of my nerdy side. I have the testicular fortitude to admit that Cinemagic, the movie soundtrack station is one of my presets on the Sirius-XM dial. I listen to it sometimes when Alt Nation is playing too much Silversun Pickup and Lithium spins a little too much Big Audio Dynamite and Jesus Jones. I hit a trifecta of 80's classic movie scores and they just really took me back in an outstandingly positive way. First up was the Goonies. Several cues were played and one second I was taking a leak in a cave in "The Men's Room," then I was Data being saved by the pinchers of power and then I was using a dagger to slide down the sail of One Eyed Willie's ship. You really start to realize how much these movies meant to our childhood and how much we watched them when just listening to the soundtrack immediately transports you to specific scenes.

The exact same thing happened with the Karate Kid. They played the finale music from the All Valley Tournament and I could picture Daniel Laruso in the Crane form kicking Johnny in the face and everyone going crazy. Even without the picture there, I still got the same exhilaration as I did watching it as a six year old. Movies don't do that anymore and it's a shame. Too many special effects and not enough Crane kicks to the face

Back to the Future was up next and the themes from that movie are just cool. Flux Capacitors, DeLoreans, life jackets, and Crispen Glover start showing up in your head when you hear that trumpet. I really wish I could articulate this better but it's just not meant to be. I didn't get emotional or anything listening to this stuff but man did it make me happy. I highly recommend checking the station out. Sometimes you get a real gem on there that will take you back to your childhood. I should admit that Hoosiers came on too and while that movie is, in my opinion, one of the greatest sports movies ever, there is just too much synthesizer stuff going on. But I digress.

An Open Letter to Tony Horton

Dear Tony Horton: Since I've moved to Charleston, SC, I haven't been in a gym. I tried desperately to make myself run but it's cold outside and I don't like running when it's cold. I caved and decided to try p90x. A neighbor let me borrow the dvd's so I got to work. First day I went out of order on accident and did arms and shoulders. Not a problem. However, the second day started something that I didn't enjoy. Plyometrics. Jump training is apparently not my friend. Before I left Shreveport two months ago, I was in pretty good shape. I was lifting weights regularly and running eight miles. Being 31 years old apparently means I lose my ability to rock much quicker. The non-enjoyment is two fold.

First, I felt like a male cheerleader. I don't meant that to say that I was doing back handsprings and lifting crap over my head. Instead, I was jumping and tucking my knees and then I was jumping and bringing my heels up behind my butt. I no longer felt masculine. I literally felt like a male version of a girl cheerleader. Then I had to get a chair and continuously swing my legs back and forth over it. That was cool until I completely lost my equilibrium and kicked the chair square into my three legged cat. The dude ran off again. Dick. So the process wasn't real enjoyable. Let me also point out that repeatedly telling me that there is a one legged guy doing these exercises with you and if he can do it then I should be able to also. This really demotivates me and it royally pisses off the cat because he certainly can't do it. My cat is missing his leg too and he can do most things that other cats can do but he doesn't get on tv and make others feel bad about it.

Second, I woke up the next day without the ability to walk. Unfortunately, I needed gas in my car so when I drove up to the gas station, I had to use the Oh Shit Bar to pry myself out of the car and then walk all bow legged and pigeon toed inside to pay. I hurt so bad that my wife refused to help me. I'm not sure if it was the fact that I was complaining or the fact that I kept crossing my arms into the giant X every I talked to her, bragging about how EXTREME I was even though I was immobile and propped up in the bed. The pain lasted for three days and I think you suck. I also think you're deceiving everyone. You have yet to finish an exercise. You start it and do like two reps then get up to make sure everyone else is doing it right. I call Shenanigans. I also think you should drink more water. Your veins aren't suppose to pop out that much and I shouldn't be seeing every single muscle fiber in your shoulders. You're one vein SOB. I rock with the puns too.

Awesomely (and by awesome I indeed mean totally sweet),



Chris R. Noland

Tripod's Buried In The Bushes

I admit it, I'm a LOST freak. I didn't mean to do it, it just sort of happened. I had no intentions of ever watching the show. Sometime during the second season though, I got bored and rented the first season on DVD. At 5:30 the next morning, I had it wrapped up and my fanaticism was locked and loaded. We're almost through the sixth and final season and I'm ready to figure out what it's all about. I browse the message boards and read through theory websites. Let's face it, LOST is the next Star Wars for my generation. I am married now so I can freely admit what a choad I am when it comes to nerdy things.

The lovely lady that I'm married to happens to be a veterinarian. That brings with it certain elements and by elements I mean retarded animals. We have a hurricane Katrina rescue dog with ears like an elephant and a penchant for daring yard escapes be it through tunneling, jumping, eating, or opening the door and walking his way out of our little homestead here. We have a pomeranian with missing teeth and a hair loss problem. We cut his hair and it didn't grow back. He looks like an underdeveloped lion with dental issues. Then we have a three legged cat. Let me try to draw you a picture here. Sometimes when he's giving his butt a bath, the one hind leg he has sticks straight up in the air and he has this look in his eye that just beckons you over. Seriously, it makes him look like a real Don Juan. This is the suavest three legged cat you've ever seen. What makes him even cooler is I gave him an accent like Dolph Lundgren, Rocky IV style.

Two extremely random thoughts that are about to converge like head-on locomotives. Stupid tripod ran away and I missed LOST while traipsing through the woods looking for my kitty. Make all the jokes you want. This animal knows the art of stealth. Remember, he's quieter than most animals because he has one less leg to make noise with. Dude is a straight up ninja. I scoured this place for an hour and a half. Looked in every bush and around every tree. I even freaked my neighbor out shining my maglite in her yard from over my fence. Kristen had the foresight to set a can of food out to entice him back in the yard. We were starting to give up hope but I figured I'd give it one last look out in the backyard. I open the door and there he was eating the food. He took one look at me and took off back into some bushes. I saw him this time though and followed him. He was probably in those bushes the whole time because even when I was looking directly at him, he was blending in perfectly, like Zartan.

We were glad to get him back and needless to say, he won't be going outside anymore. He's on my badlist for a while because I can't go scour LOST message boards tonight since I had to miss the stupid thing. That will wait for tomorrow. Being a nerd is awesome.

In A World...

I've had a crazy last ten days or so. Let me go ahead and reiterate why Kristen and I are out here. As I've repeated ad nauseam, we came out here for a do over. Not content with the daily grind and forced into jobs that make us miserable, we pledged that once we got out here, we would both find something that we enjoy. She's at an incredible veterinary hospital right now with bosses and a support staff that is more than she could have asked for. Kristen and job satisfaction/happiness: Check

The pebble in the pond for me so to speak started last week which I wrote about. I emailed Wright Thompson of ESPN and he responded and I was ultimately led to the Post and Courier. I have a foot in the door and now I help out with the sports page for the oldest newspaper in the south. This will hopefully lead towards a writing career for me. Chris on the way to job satisfaction/happiness: Check

As a small aside, I'd like to brag right here that I sent Wright Thompson a thank you email and that son of a bitch gmail chatted me. Yeah he's on my friends list. Eat it.

Most people who know me recognize that I have a fairly deep, articulate voice. When I meet people, I'm often told that I should try and do something with my voice. When we were in Shreveport, I tried and tried to get in touch with people regarding advice and possible ways to break into voice overs. NOBODY returned emails or phone calls. I got out here and made up my mind that I wasn't going to stop trying to make this happen until I exhausted every outlet I could find. I found different voice over artists and sent out email after email. Last week a guy promised me he'd call me and we could talk about it once he was finished with a huge project. I haven't heard from him yet but I'm looking forward to speaking with him.

I randomly sent an email to a man who goes by Zeus (no shit) and ten minutes later I had a reply asking me to call him. He included part of his demo reel and when I listened to it, my jaw hit the floor. He's one of the movie trailer guys, one of the IN A WORLD...guys. He does voice overs for the major networks too. I knew this dude's voice and he was willingto talk to me. I had an errand to run so I grabbed the number and planned on stopping in a parking lot to call (my phone doesn't work for crap here at the house). As I'm about to dial, this guy calls me. Unbelievable. To be frank, he told me the voice over world was almost impossible to break into. Vocally I had the type of voice that could be successful. Professionally, I do not have the background though. He told me that I should try to find some sort of position at a radio station just to get familiar with the environment. That's what I'm trying to do now. Ultimately I have to have a demo tape produced. Zeus told me that he would coach me for free and give me scripts to read and he'd help me make my demo. How awesome is this?

In my email I mentioned that he probably got this type of solicitation quite often. He told me he does but he called me because I mentioned we'd just relocated to Charleston and he lived nearby so he felt compelled to call this time. I explained to him that I'm not scared of the hurdles I've got to cross to get involved in this business. We just uprooted our family and moved out here on a whim. That took guts so I'm not afraid of a challenge. Things really are looking up here. I'm not naive enough to think that I'm going to automatically succeed in a career in voice over but man, this is a fun ride. I've always wanted to write and I've always wanted to talk and I have a foot in the door to both. I'm doing my best to kick that damn door down. Rock on.

The Wright Stuff

Today was a pretty neat day. Forgive the third grade description but I'm exhausted and neat pretty much sums it up. I'm still looking for jobs and I want to find something that I enjoy. Same story, different verse. I'm looking at colleges around town but I've always liked writing and have a Journalism degree to show for it. Ever since high school I've told people that I want to write a humor column a la Dave Barry. If you've never read his stuff, please check him out. He's semi-retired but his voice is terrific and most anyone can relate to what he's written about. Another writer I really enjoy reading is ESPN.com and ESPN The Magazine's Wright Thompson. He wrote the piece, Saints Are The Soul of America's City, that everyone linked to on Facebook a couple of months ago. I read a story he wrote about Myron Rolle, the Florida State football player that is also a Rhodes Scholar. At the end of the story, there was an email address for Thompson and I figured what the heck.

I shot him a note asking for some advice on how someone in my situation might course correct onto a bearing toward writing. Not 20 minutes later, he'd emailed me back with a contact and some words of encouragement. That is total class and it could not come at a better time. Even if things don't ultimately plan out, just having that kind of input is enough to restore a great deal of confidence that's been lacking as of late. I'm doing my best to live out the adage that I should take something I enjoy and find a way to make money doing it. Again, nothing is certain at all, but I can at least see a bit of land on the horizon.

Another neat thing happened today. People always tell me that I have a great voice. When I worked for Tim Fletcher at KTBS in Shreveport, he told me I had a voice made for TV and a face made for radio. He also said that in a lecture with a hundred of my peers. He did other not so nice things to me too on camera too. By on camera I mean to be put on the local sports broadcast and not on the tabloids. I've digressed quite a bit. When I lived in Shreveport, I'd call radio stations and other on air talent trying to find out how to get a foot in the door for some sort of voice over work. Never heard one word from anyone and that was always a little frustrating. I'm not necessarily looking for a career but just something cool to try my hand at. I did a google search and randomly came across a guy's website who was a professional voice over artist. I sent him an email explaining how I'd tried and tried to get someone to talk to me to no avail and if he had any advice. He replied this afternoon saying he'd love to talk to me but didn't have my phone number. Send it to him and he'll call me this week and we can chat. Good grief my faith in humanity was restored just a little bit today.

Again, not one single thing could come from this but still it's nice to have these opportunities. I'm not giving up. I'm going to find something I enjoy. Even if it has to be two, three, or four separate things. Kristen and I are excited and are really looking forward to our future. Kudos to optimism.

Mr. Mom

Did you ever see the Michael Keaton classic from the early 80's? Easily one of my favorite movies although nothing will ever, ever beat Real Genius but that's a completely different post. In fact, I could write for days on the quotability and timelessness of that slice of Val Kilmer genius. I bring up Mr. Mom because of the plot line involving the wife going back to work while the husband stays at home. That parallels my situation for the time being while Kristen's working and I'm looking for a job. I am doing my best convincing myself not to grow a beard a la Keaton and by that I mean Kristen is forbidding me to do so. Understandable I suppose but one way or another, I will work a neck beard into my life at some point. If I can't have a super sweet stache (alliterations are awesome), I at least want a neck beard.

I started delivering resume's last week. It's hard looking for a job when you don't know anyone in town and you have to start fresh. Especially when you have such a diverse background as I do. That's a classy way of saying I took a bunch of crappy jobs that did nothing to pave a career. Ever since I left Louisiana Tech, I've been trying to get back on a college campus. Fortunately there are several in the area and hopefully I can catch on with one of them. That is a career that I am genuinely interested in. I think its pretty cliche to say now, but money isn't important to me as long as I'm doing something I enjoy. I've learned that the hard way unfortunately but that's what fresh starts are for.

My dogs are crazy and a little bit special. The snow came down in blankets last night and I figured out that O.D. and Peewee really like to play fetch with snowballs. Peewee would run after them but couldn't seem to find them once they disintegrated on the ground. O.D. would just catch and eat them and get them all over his muzzle. Dude looked like a cross between Santa Clause and Timmy from South Park. You have to know O.D. to really appreciate that.

You Wouldn't Last A Day On The Creek

Do not ever cross James Van Der Beek. Goose Creek might not quite make it to Dawson's Creek standards but it comes close. Actually I have no idea. I've never seen Dawson's Creek. I know a dude who taped every episode and loved the show like a child. He did the same thing with Buffy The Vampire Slayer and Friends. I guess that's cool in a complete antithesis of manly sort of way. I'd certainly never choose to do that sort of thing but to each his own. But I digress.

We now live in Goose Creek, South Carolina. We're about 15 miles north of Charleston. We live in the middle between Charleston and the town that Kristen works in. That way the commute isn't so bad. The verdict is still out on what we think of the town. We live in a great neighborhood that's really a large community made up of several neighborhoods. There's a golf course, several ponds and twenty miles of walking/running trails to explore. That's terrific but truthfully, that's about all there is to this little town. That and potholes. Man, South Carolina roads are worse than Louisiana's and that's a hard thing to admit. Seriously it's an epidemic of Fat Monica from Friends size proportions (I watched the show but never taped it. Get over it). There's another town a few miles away called Summerville that has much more charm for lack of a better word. Lots of old homes and small wooden churches but with a bit more to the actual town. The commute would be the same and again, Charleston is right down the road.

Whenever Kristen and I start feeling stressed or homesick, we drive downtown. I really can't explain it but for some reason it just calms us down and really makes us feel like we belong here. There's an ambiance surrounding it and you can see the history on every block. Kind of a cross between the French Quarter in New Orleans and 19th Century London. I guess you have to see it to understand it. They have all sorts of shops too including a cupcake store that sells nothing but cupcakes. These cupcakes have icing that is six inches high. There are also lots of stores...mostly for snotty people to feel self important. They're fun to go in and look at though. There's a Lacoste store but I just look in the windows and then get mine off of ebay for 1/8 the cost. Most importantly though, downtown has a Mellow Mushroom. That's my favorite pizza/calzone and I almost cried when I found out about it. Okay, I did cry. I cried hard and long with tears of pride and joy and other non hetero sounding words. I love pizza served by hippies man. Something about it just feels groovy. Kristen was impressed...